We call it parenting, but it might also be aptly dubbed decision making. At every stage in childrearing, parents struggle to make wise choices for their children: Do we bottle-feed or breast-feed? Use cloth diapers or disposable? Choose day care or stay-at-home parenting?

And the decisions don't get any easier as children grow older: Public school or private? Should we give an allowance? What is an appropriate curfew? Luckily, even pre-teens can be helpful in making difficult decisions. Enlist their assistance in determining if the decisions you make are, in fact, the right ones. When children are allowed to participate in the decision-making process, they learn about their family's values and priorities, about their own opinions and how best to communicate them, and about how to make good choices in the future.

One decision that all but requires a child's input is the selection of a summer camp. Choosing a summer program is complicated at best. The American Camping Association currently estimates that there are approximately 8,500 camps throughout the U.S., serving more than 6 million young people each year. Clearly, parents need all the help they can get.

Richard C. Kennedy and Michael Kimball, authors of "Choosing the Right Summer Camp: The Complete Guide to the Best Summer Camp for Your Child" (Times Books: Random House, 1994), strongly advocate making the summer camp decision a family one. "Choosing a camp should be something the potential camper and parents actively and energetically do together. Parents should carefully fit the camp to their child.

You are planning an important and sometimes expensive adventure for your child. If you do a haphazard job, this potentially wonderful experience runs the risk of turning into an unhappy and possibly traumatic separation." In a nutshell, their advice is to determine, as a family, the characteristics you are looking for in a camp and then research the available options thoroughly. Your goal, according to Kennedy and Kimball, is to "feel confident about your choice and eager for the new adventure to begin."

The "Perfect" Camp?

Most families don't know where to begin looking for summer programs. They stumble upon programs by chance, they hear about programs from friends or family, or they spot an advertisement in a newspaper or magazine. While these methods may ultimately land a camper in an enriching summer activity, it is more likely that the camper will find the program somehow lacking. Often what is missing from a family's search is an understanding of what comprises a good "camp to camper match": a pairing of a child with a program that meets his or her social, emotional, recreational and, sometimes, academic needs.

Young people are individuals. Their ages, personalities, talents, likes and dislikes must all be taken into account as you help organize their summer schedules. Just as you plan continuing education that furthers your career or draws on your personal interests, you should find summer camps that develop and nurture your child's skills and interests, as well as those that shore up their weak areas.

Many parents don't spend enough time researching summer options. Some select programs based solely on their session dates (i.e., their ability to provide child care for an entire summer). Others think they know what program is right for their children without involving the kids in the decision. Whatever the reason, in any given session of camp, there are always a handful of kids who answer the question, "Why did you choose to attend this camp?" with a brutally honest, "I didn't. My parents made me come." According to Linda Nettles, program director of the Youth Programs division of Duke University's Continuing Education and Summer Session, it is possible for a child who didn't want to attend a particular camp to have a positive experience, but it's not always the case. "Some of the kids who are the most miserable are the ones whose parents chose a program that meets what they want for their child and not what their child needs in terms of supervision, level of activity, social interaction and so on."

Nettles urges parents to discuss camp options with their children; if the children voice a number of concerns or respond negatively, she says, it is possible that this is not the right time or simply not the right program.

It may be helpful for your family to discuss what each of you hopes to find in the "perfect" summer program before you begin looking at specific camps. Kennedy and Kimball have designed the "Dream Camp Checklist" to help families with this process. [A part of the checklist is excerpted in a sidebar which accompanies this article.]

Clear communication at this early stage of summer planning may help you avoid having an unhappy camper during the summer. For example, if you want your son to attend an educational program to improve his math skills, but he wants desperately to go with his friends to a cool rock-climbing camp, he will, most likely, be unhappy if you send him to math camp without any discussion.

Perhaps you could compromise in an attempt to meet both of your needs. If finances allow, send him to both programs, but only if he promises to work hard at the math camp; if money is tight, check into local opportunities. A community college or educational service might offer an affordable summer enrichment program, or maybe a local YMCA runs a summer clinic in rock-climbing that your son's friends might be interested in attending.

At the very least, make certain that the math camp offers extensive recreational activities during out-of-class time. The efforts you make to compromise now will pay off this summer.

Information, Please.

Once you've defined your family's ideal camp, it's time to learn about your actual options. There are many ways to find information about available programs. Local newspapers and parenting magazines often print extensive camp-related advertising and features as the summer draws near. Universities and community colleges offer a variety of programming, ranging from academic and sports programs to leadership and college preparatory workshops.

Summer program catalogs and books are easy to find and easy to use resources. Libraries, bookstores and school guidance counselors' offices often keep up-to-date copies of various helpful references such as:

* "Peterson's Summer Opportunities for Kids and Teenagers" (Peterson's Guides, Inc., updated annually; $28.95, (800) 338-3282, ext. 600)
* The American Camping Association's "Guide to ACA Accredited Camps, 1998 Edition" ($19.95, (800) 428-CAMP)
* "Educational Opportunity Guide" (Duke University Talent Identification Program, updated annually; approximately $15, (919) 683-1400)

These books contain an enormous amount of information and, while reading through them can be a daunting task, if you make good use of the indexes (which are cross-referenced geographically and by subject area), the time is well spent.

For internet users, a wealth of useful information is available on the World Wide Web. The following is a small sample of the Web sites providing listings of summer programs in the U.S. and abroad:

* American Camping Association: www.aca-camps.org
* KidsCamps Homepage: www.kidscamps.com
* The Camp and Conference Homepage: www.camping.org
* Peterson's Education Center: www.petersons.com
* Parent Soup's searchable camp list: www.parentsoup.com/summercamp
* National Camp Association: www.summercamp.org

According to Nettles' colleague, Kim Price, program coordinator for the Youth Programs division of Duke University Continuing Education and Summer Session, Web sites are sometimes less complicated and far less time consuming than reference books. Many Web sites allow the user to enter criteria such as location, subject area or price range and the sites generate a list of matching programs. At that point, there are often links within the site that lead directly to the individual programs' Web sites. Typically, you can request more information and materials from the camp through its Web site. You can learn a lot from a camp's promotional materials. Brochures, videos and presentations offer specifics about things such as session dates, age requirements, tuition and location. Often accompanied by photographs and descriptive information, these information-packed materials provide you with your first glimpse of the program's content and philosophy.

The camp director or administrator is an excellent source of information about the program's content, daily schedule, philosophy and history. Nettles suggests that you try to ask questions that require specific answers. For example, when inquiring about the level of supervision, don't ask if there is adequate supervision. Every camp director believes his or her program's level of supervision is adequate, and the answer will always be "yes." Instead, ask the director to describe the level of supervision specifically for the age group or program division in which your child is interested. That way, you can determine if the answers given are suitable for your family and for your child, not just for the camp director.

Referrals and references from former campers can be very important. They offer an unbiased and honest picture of the camp experience. Most camp offices will provide you with contact information of former campers in your area or in your child's age range. Keep in mind that many camps will not give out this information without permission from the referring family, so it may take the camp several days to locate a good referral candidate and to obtain permission to release his or her family's phone number. Try to speak with both the camper and the parents, and let your child ask questions of the camper as well. Again, ask specific questions and pay particular attention to areas of concern. For instance, if the soccer camp you are researching has a reputation for working the kids too hard, ask the camper and the parents to describe the level of activity and to comment on the staff's response to individual campers' skills and endurance.

Another popular method of finding appropriate summer programs involves hiring a service or consultant specializing in educational and recreational opportunities for young people. While this arrangement will relieve your family of the task of researching the available options, you should still be prepared to discuss with the service your basic camp wishes and needs. Three such services are:

* Camp Finders: (561) 338-5750;
* Summer Solutions: (800) 729-7295 or (800) 729-7090; and
* National Camp Association's Camp Advisory Service: (800) 966-CAMP.

As Kennedy and Kimball write, "Going away to camp should be fun, instructive and constructive. And so should the process of selecting a camp. The choice is, however, a critical one." You must invest time and energy researching your options and selecting your programs. As you narrow down your choices, you can find answers to your questions in a number of ways. Because of the importance of your decision, it may be wise to use more than one resource. By obtaining several viewpoints, you and your prospective camper can have a more realistic and in-depth understanding of the camp. And by all means, keep asking questions until you find a program that meets your comfort level as parents, as campers, and as a family.